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Immanouel Jeremiah Francis Kurt '''Kant''' est un humouriste allemand de la fin du XVIII�me si�cle.  
Immanouel Jeremiah Francis Kurt '''Kant''' est un [[filosof]]-humoriste et chorégraphe allemand de la fin du XVIIIème siècle, né en 1964.  


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==Biographie==


==Critique de la raison pure==
Né en 1724 dans un bled pourrave, [[Kant]] est contraint d'y rester pour le reste de ses jours par sa sœur Martha Imperator Kant qui le frappe tellement souvent qu'il finit par se déformer et ne plus pouvoir se déplacer bien loin. La mémoire atrophiée par les coups de trique, il tente tous les jours de s'enfuir à six heures, mais prend à chaque fois la même route qui tourne autour de sa maison et est rattrapé par sa sœur qui le punit violemment.
Ouvrage nihiliste. On y apprend que l'app�ritif doit �tre cat�gorique.


==[[M�thaphysique]] des moeurs==
Après une vie de souffrance consacrée à assouvir les désirs sexuels incestueux de Martha et les tâches ménagères, Kant connaît enfin la libération sexuelle avec la mort de Martha, éviscérée par un révolutionnaire [[corse]] égaré en Allemagne. Il décide alors de se plonger dans la filosofi mais il ne sait pas nager et sombre dans l'alcoolisme le plus profond et le plus obscur<ref>''cf.'' '''[[Guy-Ernest Deleuze]]''', ''la filosofie éthylique d'Immanouel Kant'', ed. plouf.</ref>
Apr�s avoir longtemps pens� lui donner pour titre ''Encule ta m�re la loutre'', Kant �crit un �mouvant hommage � sa soeur dans lequel il raconte sa jeunesse et prodigue de nombreux conseils aux djeuns de son temps. On peut particuli�rement noter ses id�es innovantes.


*Il d�couvre que la branlette rend sourd AVANT le XIX�me si�cle
Il est l'auteur de nombreux ouvrages comiques encore très appréciés aujourd'hui comme ''Critique de l'Amer Picon pur'', ''Métaphysique des bitters'', ainsi que ''Manuel de [[géographie]] à l'usage des premiers cycles un peu à la traîne.''.


*Il propose de suivre l'Imperatif cat�gorique (nomm� ainsi en r�f�rence � sa soeur Martha Imperator), qui est une variante de la conjugaison slave consistant � mettre tous les noms communs � l'imperatif.
En 1804 il se [[suicide]] en s'injectant une dose létale d'héroïne avant de se châtrer au couteau suisse puis de se tirer une blague dans la tête à la carabine. Cette méthode inspirera Kurt Cobain et les montres Swatch.


*Port� par l'enthousiasme il propose la sexualit� avant le mariage, encourage au piercing et au body art.
==Critique de l'Amer Picon pur==


==Influences==
Ouvrage éthyliste. On y apprend que l'apéritif doit être catégorique.<ref>La ''Critique de la Ration pratique'', qui lui fait suite, dispute de la quantité de cacahuètes et d'olives moralement acceptable pour accompagner l'apéro.</ref>
Kant a notamment influenc�
 
*[[Antoine Hummel]]
 
==[[Méthaphysique]] des bitters==
 
Après avoir longtemps pensé lui donner pour titre ''Encule ta mère la loutre'', Kant écrit un émouvant hommage à sa sœur dans lequel il raconte sa jeunesse et prodigue de nombreux conseils aux [[jeune]]s de son temps. On peut particulièrement noter ses idées innovantes, dont la plus connue est sans doute le concept de "[[foutritude]]". Mais on lui doit également les avancées majeures suivantes :
 
*Il découvre que la branlette rend sourd AVANT le XIXème siècle
 
*Il propose de suivre l'Impératif catégorique (nommé ainsi en référence à sa sœur Martha Imperator), qui est une variante de la conjugaison slave consistant à mettre tous les noms communs à l'imperatif.
 
*Porté par l'enthousiasme il propose la sexualité avant le mariage, encourage au piercing et au body art.
 
*A cette occasion il invente une danse sensée encourager les pratiques sexuelles, le French Kankant.
 
 
==Œuvres Principales==
 
*''L'apéritif catégorique''
*''Critique de l'Amer Picon pur''
*''Critique de l'anesone aromatique''
*''[http://www.morphee.biz/article-116587.html Bonjour mon nom est Kant]''
*''[http://www4.fnac.com/Shelf/article.aspx?PRID=950575&OrderInSession=1&Mn=1&SID=ed1aa4bd-c051-0eaa-bea3-4ecbdb1a4cee&TTL=120620071349&Origin=FnacAff&Ra=-1&To=0&Nu=1&UID=09d48933b-0ebc-e853-ad76-95230fe24db5&Fr=0 Dites vous n'auriez pas vu mon ours ?]''
 
 
==Héritiers==
 
Kant a notamment influencé
 
*[[Antoine Hummel|Antoine Kummel]]
*[[Les Gorges Profondes]]
*[[Les Gorges Profondes]]
*[[Jesus de Bite]]
*[[Jesus de Bite]]
*[[Martin Heidegger]]  
*[[Martin Hachdegger]]  
 


==Dans la chanson==
==Dans la chanson==


" Kant, on arrive en ville " : [[Starmania]], par [[Simon et Simone]], routiers botanistes.
"Kant, on arrive en ville" : [[Starmania]], par [[Simon et Simone]], routiers botanistes. <br>
"Kant, on est cons, on est cons !" : [[appel à l'aide raté]] du peuple français (2007)
 


== Pour finir ==
== Pour finir ==


Bienvenue sur cette page consacr�e � la vie du philosophe Emmanuel Kant. Vous trouverez ici des extraits comment�s et des explications de textes concernant son oeuvre, ses th�ses et ses th�ories philosophiques. Dans la rubrique "biographie", vous trouverez tous les �l�ments n�cessaires � la r�daction d'une courte biographie de Kant pour un devoir d'histoire de niveau lyc�e/DEUG.
Bienvenue sur cette page consacrée à la vie du philosophe Emmanuel Kant. Vous trouverez ici des extraits commentés et des explications de textes concernant son œuvre, ses thèses et ses théories philosophiques. Dans la rubrique "biographie", vous trouverez tous les éléments nécessaires à la rédaction d'une courte biographie de Kant pour un devoir d'histoire de niveau lycée/DEUG.
 
 
== Notes ==
 
<references/>


[[Category:Gens]] [[Category:Philosophie]]
[[Category:Gens]] [[Category:Philosophie]]

Version actuelle datée du 28 juin 2013 à 13:59

Immanouel Jeremiah Francis Kurt Kant est un filosof-humoriste et chorégraphe allemand de la fin du XVIIIème siècle, né en 1964.

Biographie

Né en 1724 dans un bled pourrave, Kant est contraint d'y rester pour le reste de ses jours par sa sœur Martha Imperator Kant qui le frappe tellement souvent qu'il finit par se déformer et ne plus pouvoir se déplacer bien loin. La mémoire atrophiée par les coups de trique, il tente tous les jours de s'enfuir à six heures, mais prend à chaque fois la même route qui tourne autour de sa maison et est rattrapé par sa sœur qui le punit violemment.

Après une vie de souffrance consacrée à assouvir les désirs sexuels incestueux de Martha et les tâches ménagères, Kant connaît enfin la libération sexuelle avec la mort de Martha, éviscérée par un révolutionnaire corse égaré en Allemagne. Il décide alors de se plonger dans la filosofi mais il ne sait pas nager et sombre dans l'alcoolisme le plus profond et le plus obscur[1]

Il est l'auteur de nombreux ouvrages comiques encore très appréciés aujourd'hui comme Critique de l'Amer Picon pur, Métaphysique des bitters, ainsi que Manuel de géographie à l'usage des premiers cycles un peu à la traîne..

En 1804 il se suicide en s'injectant une dose létale d'héroïne avant de se châtrer au couteau suisse puis de se tirer une blague dans la tête à la carabine. Cette méthode inspirera Kurt Cobain et les montres Swatch.

Critique de l'Amer Picon pur

Ouvrage éthyliste. On y apprend que l'apéritif doit être catégorique.[2]


Méthaphysique des bitters

Après avoir longtemps pensé lui donner pour titre Encule ta mère la loutre, Kant écrit un émouvant hommage à sa sœur dans lequel il raconte sa jeunesse et prodigue de nombreux conseils aux jeunes de son temps. On peut particulièrement noter ses idées innovantes, dont la plus connue est sans doute le concept de "foutritude". Mais on lui doit également les avancées majeures suivantes :

  • Il découvre que la branlette rend sourd AVANT le XIXème siècle
  • Il propose de suivre l'Impératif catégorique (nommé ainsi en référence à sa sœur Martha Imperator), qui est une variante de la conjugaison slave consistant à mettre tous les noms communs à l'imperatif.
  • Porté par l'enthousiasme il propose la sexualité avant le mariage, encourage au piercing et au body art.
  • A cette occasion il invente une danse sensée encourager les pratiques sexuelles, le French Kankant.


Œuvres Principales


Héritiers

Kant a notamment influencé


Dans la chanson

"Kant, on arrive en ville" : Starmania, par Simon et Simone, routiers botanistes.
"Kant, on est cons, on est cons !" : appel à l'aide raté du peuple français (2007)


Pour finir

Bienvenue sur cette page consacrée à la vie du philosophe Emmanuel Kant. Vous trouverez ici des extraits commentés et des explications de textes concernant son œuvre, ses thèses et ses théories philosophiques. Dans la rubrique "biographie", vous trouverez tous les éléments nécessaires à la rédaction d'une courte biographie de Kant pour un devoir d'histoire de niveau lycée/DEUG.


Notes

  1. cf. Guy-Ernest Deleuze, la filosofie éthylique d'Immanouel Kant, ed. plouf.
  2. La Critique de la Ration pratique, qui lui fait suite, dispute de la quantité de cacahuètes et d'olives moralement acceptable pour accompagner l'apéro.